Bob the Attack Hippy- SP Spoof
by Lucilia Venom
Summary: Don't know if anyone will read, but please do. Basically about Bob the Attack Hippy, man dresses, Skulduggery's revolver being turned into a nerf gun... the norm. Always wanted to write something like this, originally a one-shot, will continue if asked :D T because its random Warning: Expect general craziness!
1. Chapter 1

**BOB THE ATTACK HIPPY**

**A/N**

**Okay, this is my first spoof, so I'm not sure if it will be very good. Please review, I don't get that many. Originally a one shot, but will continue if asked! This is just for fun, don't expect anything serious :)**

**Spiderman never fails, slush puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom, the organic cooking sauce lover**

Valkyrie wandered the hallways of the abandoned museum, careful to step lightly so as not to alert any-one. There wasn't actually anyone there, but she just wanted to practice her ninja skills. She heard footsteps, slunk back into the shadows as Skulduggery Pleasant wandered in, spinning his revolver on his finger.

"Valkyrie?" He called, the moonlight shining through the broken ceiling and reflecting off his skull. Valkyrie tip-toed around him, prepared to jump out at him, but then a man walked into the room. He had long hair, strands of it were braided and it was decorated with beads. He wore a long, peachy thing. Valkyrie didn't know how you would describe it; it was like a dress that came up to his ankles, revealing his leather-sandaled feet. He was wearing a... a... HE WAS WEARING A MAN-DRESS! Valkyrie fell over, clutching her sides in silent laughter. Skulduggery thumbed the back-hammer of his gun, pointed it at the dude in the man-dress.

The dude in the man-dress looked outraged. "THERE SHALL BE NO VIOLENCE IN MY HOUSE!" Ping! Skulduggery's revolver transformed into a nerf gun.

Skulduggery sank to the floor in anguish, and threw his hands up toward the heavens.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" Skulduggery yelled. Then he started sobbing.

Valkyrie looked at the dude in the man-dress. "Wh- Who are you?"

The dude stood tall, his long hair and man-dress flapping in the breeze. "I," he said over Skulduggerys moans "Am Bob the Attack Hippy! And now, I must away! HIPPIES UNITE!" And with that he flew away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hippies Unite!**

**A/N**

**Thank-you to SP (guest) for the great review, sorry but this chapter may be a bit more confusing, but that's cos it's a spoof :)**

**I've decided that I'll post a new chapter if I get just one review, so that I know I'm on the right track, so, um, review please? I really love writing this story so much, hope you enjoy reading it, even if its confusing!**

**Spider-Man never fails, slush puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom, the organic cooking sauce lover**

"But Ravel," Skulduggery yelled, "THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!"

"Look, Skulduggery, I respect you and your work, but, this doesn't make any sense! You say you were attacked by a hippy?" Ravel looked at his friend, thinking he'd gone completely bonkers.

"NAMED BOB!" Valkyrie replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

Madame Mist spoke up. "Could it be? No. No... maybe? NO!"

Ghastly looked at her incredulously. "What?"

"STOP ACCUSING ME!" Mist yelled.

Ghastly put up his hands in surrender.

"He turned my revolver into... this." Skulduggery said brokenly, handing the blue and orange plastic contraption to Ravel.

Suddenly, Tipstaff ran into the room. "Grand Mage, we're under attack!" He ran back out, followed by Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Ravel, Ghastly and Mist. They were greeted by an army of hippies, the men wearing man-dresses. And at the front of them stood... Bob.

"Oh," Valkyrie said. "So that's what he meant by 'Hippies Unite'." The others stared at her in disbelief.

*** 2 hours later***

Mist lay in the corner of the room, scrunched up into a ball. Ghastly and Ravel lay unconscious on the ground, and Skulduggery and Valkyrie were nowhere to be seen.

Valkyrie wandered into the room. "Hippies, so many hippies. Everywhere. Spying on us. No-ones safe."

Suddenly, Skulduggery's anguished yells could be heard outside. This snapped Valkyrie back to her senses, and she sprinted outside, found Skulduggery outside in the car park. His skeletal frame was slumped over the Bentleys parking space. But the Bentley wasn't there anymore. It had been replaced by a hot pink mini.

"Why must they take everything I love? Why?!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hippy-Notised**

Valkyrie yawned, stretched then fell out of bed with a loud THUMP! She rubbed her eyes, and stood up.

Her phone was beeping wildly, she'd been text by Skulduggery, Ghastly, Ravel, Mist, Tanith and Fletcher. Each text said pretty much the same thing, come to the Sanctuary, urgent business.

Once she was dressed in her normal work clothes, she tapped the mirror and outstepped her reflection.

Valkyrie ran outside, saw the Bentley parked around the corner. She opened the door and got in.

"Seatbelt," Skulduggery reminded her. Then he turned the keys, and the Bentley slid smoothly away.

When they arrived at the Sancuary, everyone looked different, wary, and scampered out of their way as fast as possible.

"They must have heard about the hippy attacks." Valkyrie murmured.

"Yes, it would appear so."

They walked into Ravels office, to see everyone sitting around a table.

"Right then, now that we're all here," Ravel started, "Lets get down to business. First on the list, Bob the Attack Hippy. He has magical powers, he's an adept, and seems very skilled at transforming things, and it's rumoured that he can fly."

"Ravel," Valkyrie said, "Why are Tanith and Fletcher here? Not that I'm complaining, but they don't have anything to do with this…"

"I thought we could use some extra help, since Bob seems so dangerous."

Then Bob appeared, as though he had teleported.

He waved his hand and they all felt rather sleepy. Suddenly everything turned black.

Bobs calm voice came gently through the blackness.

"You're all very calm and relaxed." They nodded without knowing it. "You don't want to fight any more."

"No fighting," they echoed.

"You will be peaceful people, and not have to worry about anything else."

That sounded nice, Valkyrie thought. Peaceful, no fights. Bob was right, Bob always had been right, and then his voice came through again, so calm and peaceful, just like Valkyrie soon would be. She relished in the thought.

"When I click my fingers," Bob continued, "You shall become calm and peaceful, with no more fighting." They nodded. He clicked, then disappeared.

Valkyrie woke up, a peaceful smile on her face. Everyone's clothes had changed, Valkyrie, Tanith and Mist were wearing a long sleeved white top underneath a green t-shirt. They wore bell bottoms and sandals, their hair was down with a head-band keeping it out of their eyes (it was one of the ones that are made of cloth and go all the way around your head). They wore a necklace with the peace sign on it, and Mists veil was gone. Ravel, Ghastly and Fletcher were all wearing man-dresses, and Fletchers hair was un-gelled, though he didn't seem to mind.

Skulduggery looked at all of his friends. Being a skeleton, he was immune to hypnotising, and they were starting to worry him, with their hippy clothes and their peaceful smiles.

"Uh, guys? Guys, you can stop this now!" He went up to Valkyrie. "What's going on?"

"Nothing Skully, we've always been like this!"

"Tipstaff!" Skulduggery yelled, as his friends started singing 'Give Peace A Chance'.

* * *

**A/N**

**I know, I know, cheesy title!**

**This is where the story starts getting a bit more serious, but there'll still be lots of humour! There's only a couple of chapters left for this story, and I must say, I'm sad to see it go! But hopefully I'll be posting Bob the Attack Hippy one-shots on this story, if I get enough reviews, hint, hint!**

**The one-shots probably won't be put up as regularly, but oh well!**

**And, if I don't get 2 reviews for this chapter, then you'll never find out if Skulduggery changes them back! I know, I'm evil, lets move on!**

**If you've read this kind you like it, then please read my other spoofs, especially 'That Crazy Party' because I think that's my best spoof!**

**Anyway, review, please?**

**Spiderman never fails, slush puppies with extra ice and stinging nettles ~ Lucilia Venom, the organic cooking sauce lover**


End file.
